Specialist Dr Gail Sharman shares her top tips
Do you know many parents of teenagers who are thriving and revelling in the joys of parenthood?
When we were teenagers, were our parents faced with the same challenges as us now in the 21st century?
Is it really harder for us now? Or were we simply oblivious to the fact our parents were also at times overwhelmed?
One thing that is certain is that mental health issues in teenagers have steadily increased in the last 30 years. According to the WHO, an estimated one in seven adolescents experience mental health problems. With the pandemic having exacerbated the situation, that figure is now closer to one in four, with anxiety and depression being the most common issues.
We can extrapolate from these grim statistics that there must also be significant numbers of parents who are struggling to various degrees on a day-to-day basis.
After all, it is said that ‘a parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child’. I suspect this quote will resonate with many of you.
Compounding matters, being in the sandwich generation, we parents are often having to take care of both our teenagers and our aging parents, which places an added burden on our emotional resources and potentially also our finances.
Throwing in the negative impact social media can have on our mental well-being, it is no surprise I am so often approached by parents of teenagers to help them navigate what can be an incredibly tricky time. And as a mother of teenaged kids myself, I can most certainly relate!
So, what can we do … to buffer ourselves from what can feel like the relentless bombardment of angst-provoking situations, conversations and circumstances?
What it comes down to is … we are so time poor that our own well-being gets pushed down to the bottom of the pile.
If we allow things to spiral out of control, we can’t possibly be effective in carrying out all of our responsibilities, nor have the capacity to support the well-being of our children.
What we need to do is … prioritise our own well-being and in doing so, keep things simple.
There is so much information in the media on mental health/well-being/self-care that some of it offers conflicting advice. This can be confusing, and trying to adopt all the recommendations and make drastic changes to our lifestyle, all in one go can be counter-productive and further overwhelm us.
To simplify things, below are my seven top tips for nurturing your mental well-being and avoiding burnout. I suggest you pick one or two to start with, and as you progress consider adding more.
Keep in mind what the Chinese philosopher Lau Tzu said: “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. So, be patient and kind to yourself. Remain hopeful too, these difficult years are only temporary.
Seven Top Tips to Feel Calmer, Happier and More Energised
1) NOURISH – get your diet right.
- Eat plenty of a variety of vegetables (at least half your plate), go easy on the fruit and avoid fruit juices, have good quality protein with each meal and eat healthy fats (eg nuts, seeds, avocados, olive oil).
- Incorporate starchy carbohydrates such as potatoes, parsnips, wild rice as needed.
- Reduce or eliminate sugar and processed foods.
- Drink alcohol in moderation, 3 or 4 glasses of wine per week would be good.
- Go easy on the coffee, 1-2 cups per day. Consider switching to calming herbal teas after your morning fix.
2) SLEEP – strive for better quality sleep and aim for 7-8 hours each night.
- Have a bedtime routine and try to go to bed at roughly the same time each night. Avoid excessive lie-ins on the weekend.
- Come off social media and your phone 1-2 hours before bedtime.
- Ideally there is no TV in the bedroom, which should only be for reading, sleeping and sex.
- Things to aid sleep: a cool bedroom that is as dark as possible, chamomile tea, a warm bath with Epsom salts and lavender oil, lavender spray for your pillow, meditation and breathing exercises, specific supplements including magnesium taurate/glycinate and there are several others I recommend.
3) MOVE – try to move your body daily.
- Pick something you enjoy and start small.
- Working out with others can be more fun and very motivating.
- Be consistent and ensure you exercise frequently, even if it’s just 10 -20 minutes at a time. Something is far better than nothing.
- Incorporate brisk walking or climbing stairs where you can.
- Take breaks from sitting at a desk all day.
4) PAUSE – take time out for any sort of pause during your day.
- Consider trying meditation, mindfulness or breathing exercises.
- There are plenty of apps to get you started eg ‘Calm’ app, ‘Breethe’ app, ‘Insight Timer’.
- Or simply stop for a quiet cup of tea, sit outside in nature or take a relaxing bath. Just find some time to be alone in a quiet space.
5) CULTIVATE A HAPPY MIND – actively work on shifting your attitude to your life and its challenges and free up headspace.
- Be grateful by acknowledging the positive aspects in your life and why they make life easier.
- Be bolder saying ‘no’ before committing yourself to something, especially when you are already over-stretched.
- Delegate where you can and don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is power in vulnerability. It is a very endearing quality allowing us to enhance our relationships with others.
- Very importantly, have fun and keep connected to upbeat friends. Be mindful of the people who leave you drained of energy.
6) CONSIDER BLOOD/URINE TESTS – establish to what extent hormonal imbalances, food sensitivities and nutritional deficiencies are further impacting your mood, levels of stress, energy and sleep. For example, both an underactive and an overactive thyroid gland can result in anxiety and/or insomnia.
7) CONSIDER SUPPLEMENTATION – address any physiological imbalances and supplement to directly reduce stress levels with eg magnesium, L-theanine, GABA.*
*ALWAYS check the correct dose and safety of any supplement with a qualified practitioner to ensure there are no contraindications in your particular case.
Dr Gail Sharman is a Functional Medicine doctor and stress and anxiety specialist with a special interest in parental mental well-being. She i s offering a free consultation for parents who might like to talk through current challenges and/or find out more about the tests she offers and which supplements she recommends. For more details contact her via her website www.drgailsharman.com or email [email protected].